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Identité Identité :
Anastasia Melanie Eilish
 
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♣ anastasia melanie eilish
“I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stunned by this for many years. And then I realized, you just say, "Hi." They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word. Any attention is better than no attention. For exactly the same reason, it is sometimes satisfying to cut yourself and bleed. On those gray days where eight in the morning looks no different from noon and nothing has happened and nothing is going to happen and you are washing a glass in the sink and it breaks-accidentally-and punctures your skin. And then there is this shocking red, the brightest thing in the day, so vibrant it buzzes, this blood of yours. That is okay sometimes because at least you know you’re alive. It’s a wonder I’m even alive. Sometimes I think that. I think that I can’t believe I haven’t killed myself. But there’s something in me that just keeps going on. I think it has something to do with tomorrow, that there is always one, and that everything can change when it comes. I told myself, 'All I want is a normal life'. But was that true? I wasn't so sure. Because there was a part of me that enjoyed hating school, and the drama of not going, the potential consequences whatever they were. I was intrigued by the unknown. I was even slightly thrilled that my mother was such a mess. Had I become addicted to crisis? I traced my finger along the windowsill. 'Want something normal, want something normal, want something normal'. I started to think : Why am I so anxious? And then it hits me. I'm not anxious, I'm lonely. And I'm lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the shit out of me to be so lonely because it seems catastrophic - seeing the car just as it hits you. The past does not haunt us. We haunt the past. We allow our minds to focus in that direction. We open memories and examine them. We reexperience emotions we felt during the painful events we experienced because we are recalling them in as much detail as we can. Just don't think about it. This is how you survive the unsurvivable, this is how you lose that which you cannot bear to lose, this is how you reinvent yourself, overcome your abusers, fulfill your ambitions and meet the love of your life: by following what is true, no matter where it leads you.”






“Miracles do happen. You must believe this. No matter what else you believe about life, you must believe in miracles. Because we are all, every one of us, living on a round rock that spins around and around at almost a quarter of a million miles per hour in an unthinkably vast blackness called space. There is nothing else like us for as far as our telescopic eyes can see. In a universe filled with spinning, barren rocks, frozen gas, ice, dust, and radiation, we live on a planet filled with soft, green leaves and salty oceans and honey made from bees, which themselves live within geometrically complex and perfect structures of their own architecture and creation. In our trees are birds whose songs are as complex and nuanced as Beethoven’s greatest sonatas. And despite the wild, endless spinning of our planet and its never-ending orbit around the sun–itself a star on fire–when we pour water into a glass, the water stays in the glass. All of these are miracles. Any damage that's been done, you have to fix yourself because it needs fixing and there is nobody else to do the work. Blame may well be justified, but it's not going to move you forward in your life. You would be amazed by what you can give up, lose, or break, and yet still be a person who gets happy over brownies. My mistake was in underestimating the emotional force of a song you have already hear a thousand times.”


“you know you’re in love when you start picturing them everywhere with you: hugging you from behind as you push a cart down an aisle at the grocery store, singing along to your favorite song with you from the passenger’s seat of your car, sitting on your couch reading a book when you come home. that’s how you know. let go of people who hurt you. if someone doesn’t make you feel happy and bring out the best version of you then they probably aren’t worth having around. think about all the cute people you’ve seriously crushed on in class or the times you’ve looked at a stranger and realized just how beautiful they looked in that moment, flecks of gold light hitting the tips of their eyelashes, deep in thought, rosy-cheeked and unknowingly captivating. now think about how many times that’s likely happened to you but no one voiced it. just like you have secretly admired others, others have admired you. someone has been silently overwhelmed with the uniqueness of your features or the velvet smoothness of your voice. even though you might not always be told how beautiful you are, remember this. and maybe even tell someone the next fleeting compliment you have, because people aren’t reminded often enough just how beautiful they are.”



Often I am upset that I cannot fall in love
But I guess this avoids the stress of falling out of it
Are you (you) tired of me yet?
I’m a little sick right now but I swear
When I’m ready I will fly us out of here

Cut-cut hair, leave
Cut my hair
Cut-cut hair
Yes, but strangely he feels at home in this
Yes, but strangely he feels at home in this

~~~~~~~~~~~~

tu pensais que ça irait mieux demain, j'aurais dû t'en foutre plein la gueule
j'aurais pu te tenir la main, pour que tu sois moins seul
mais moi aussi, j'étais bourrée; bourrée d'orgeuil, tiens-toi bien
c'est pas du chiqué, non, j'étais bourrée de chagrin
open for a surprise:
 
 
lbbh
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Rang: Étudiant en apprentissage
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